Why teens need privacy to grow

Design by Alessa Arguello and Gia Jimenez-Calvar

Imagine coming home from school, opening your phone, and realizing your parents have read every message you’ve ever sent. For many kids today, that’s not just an imaginary scenario, it’s their reality. While parents want to keep their children safe, privacy is also a basic need that helps kids grow into independent, trustworthy adults. So how can families find the right balance between safety and privacy? 

According to the article, “Privacy, Monitoring, and Trust for Pre-Teens and Teenagers,” giving children personal space helps them “learn to handle new ideas, emotions, and interests with independence and responsibility.” As kids mature, they need more privacy to figure out who they are.  Some junior high parents deal with this differently. One Carrollton eighth grader said that her parents have trusted her from an early age, and she is responsible with what she does on her device. Another eighth grader who is the oldest sibling said that her parents monitor her phone by giving her screen time and a time limit. She feels that her parents give her boundaries, but still honor her privacy by trusting her with her phone. Her parents don’t go through her phone, but if they ever asked, she wouldn’t feel as if there was something to hide.

When parents respect their children’s space, they also build mutual trust. “I get that some parents will snoop on their kids’ phones, looking at every photo and every text message, and I think that that’s too much, that makes the trust not mutual,” said Paola de la Iglesia ‘30.

In contrast, when parents show a lack of trust, this can negatively affect parent‑child relationships, making open communication harder and causing teens to withdraw emotionally. For example, a study of adolescents found that when parents invade their children’s privacy by snooping through their phones, teens report higher rates of secrecy and feel psychologically “invaded.” 

Parents can protect their children and still give them room to grow by setting ground rules and talking openly about boundaries. For example some parents can set limited screen time, content boundaries, check-in routines, safety rules, and respect for personal space. These rules balance safety with independence. 

When parents monitor with respect, kids are more likely to act responsibly both online and offline. In the end, kids deserve privacy not because they want to hide things, but because they need space to develop independence.